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Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
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1:20 pm - Torrential Rain
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| Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
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10:17 pm - Nonsense to Laugh at Alone
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There is no heart here, just a friendly face and sad eyes
Simple as holding your breath to create such a disguise
Laugh a little and fill the void with a joke or two
Muddled words and that shouldn't make sense, but do
At the very least i have words.....
...Words that make the world go round, or stop in motion
Drowning deep into that poetic dreamer's standard ocean
Ever falling at your feet, i'm never that clear
Wondering whether a love can be born of the tidbits you hear
Maybe i don't know....
...Do i really care why i try and create answers for everything
Maybe its the questions that are wrong,ones i so often sing
Haha asked why do care so much, i don't know why i do
Please smile for me to make my own one true
I'll be there anyway, i promise for you
a poem without a title is as much a person without a name, though a nameless person can always choose to name themselves....not really as good as my other efforts is it? ahh it was more a stream of thoughtor some such crap....bah im in a kinda bad mood i suppose hmm, confused too..haha its kinda like a secret,actually i guess if soemone checks there friends posts thing they will see...ahh well not so secret then hmm, its tricky when your pissed off at something which for all known purposes is really nothing, which sounds like im going round in circles, which i am, im not eccentric just concentric.
Of course nothing is something otherwise it couldn't have a name to define it...we only name somethings you know ;)therefore im annoyed by something which shouldn't annoy me to be precise, as it was an assumption of mine which was proved wrong, and the assumption confused me just as much as it being proved wrong now annoys me :? Probably was my own ego or something fooling me into such folly, the more i think about it though i wish i was in part correct well halfway correct to be exact in all of this ambiguity, speaking in riddles doesn't sort anything, yet its probably for the best that i do, secrets at times are best laid to rest in the heart or else everything else gets pulled apart....
One day i will learn to not speak this crap....force of habit now or it could just be the way i am, ha the last time i spoke clearly it fell apart anyway, why do so again? Even though ive told so many others to try again, therefore i become a hypocrite to myself and being hypocritical is pretty bad...i've lost the plot if i had one to even begin with...believing your own assumptions of things even those that you think you had good reason to believe, maybe even led to believe...bah im going nowhere with this....its unintelligible anyway...i will shutup now. sorry
current mood:  a bit blue/confused
current music: U2- If You Wear That Velvet Dress
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2 thought that we had the answers It was the questions we had wrong
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| Monday, February 7th, 2005
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1:28 am - I'm Back in Action...How Dangerous Can I Be?
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Hey all my avid readers which i think at this point in time is a big fat zero or zilch if you prefer...
Yeh well here are some new recent poems and i will be back to posting on a regular basis again..so woooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooo
Blatant Vanity
She looks so pretty, that ugly one
Rubbing it into her face each night
Then into everyone’s eyes the next day
How comely she looks in that red dress
Commenting on what a beautiful corpse she’d make
Self-obsession is a strange past time
Never seeing the arrows being aimed at your back
Drawing further daggers your way with serpent words
Look around; see how much they admire you with cool eyes
Of course you certainly don’t care
Invincible to the touch of the human heart
All you need and want is your own love,
For all your life until you’re 95
Alone at home, in winters frosty grasp and despair
Realising not everyone loves your blatant vanity.
Subterranean Light
Broken things with broken wings
Shadows refracted through a prism
A kaleidoscopic view of life
A myriad of the darkest thoughts
Shelved at the back of the blackest minds
Swimming, sinking, drowning in its depths
The despair that holds us up
Or what makes us fall apart
Embedded in the trenches of our hearts
We know when we are trapped and lost
Each time we resurface from the underground
Beckoning forth a dawn newly seen
The rubies in the dirt and dust
Light reflected in a red glare
The brightest of thoughts,
Bequeath a new day
The darkness soon fades away
current mood: creative
current music: The Frames-Another Love Song
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2 thought that we had the answers It was the questions we had wrong
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| Friday, September 10th, 2004
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2:09 am - Another Poem By Yours Truly
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Hey I'm going to be lazy again and just chuck in another poem for you to read I find it much quicker;)
Counting Time
A man slumped over a wooden desk
Shadowed from the shining sun
Spilled ink reaching out like tentacles,
Into the darker recesses of the room
Pen still in hand, as it was in life
Writing the final words
Of a corpse?s final, unheard prayer,
Unhappy words filled with despair
Hear the dead man's final prose
Listen to understand his condition
Of someone who lost the will to live
Hear how he counted time...
One, two, three
The seconds go past
So slowly
How long will it last
Four, five, six
Time will end surely
In the Styx
I grin cheerily
Seven, eight, nine
My story is done
Forgive this rhyme
Now that I am gone
Ten
Dead.
Sad words fill the silence,
That quiet place in your head
Think over the emptiness inside
The man who didn't want life
In his other hand he held
The chalice of his demise
A poisoned wine so sweet to his soul
That he welcomed death with open arms
Counting the seconds
Until he couldn't feel anymore.
current mood: awake
current music: Bowie & Bing Crosby- Little Drummer Boy
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4 thought that we had the answers It was the questions we had wrong
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| Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
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8:59 pm - I have not been abducted....well I don't think so
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Hey people sorry once again for a really long leave of absence, lots of things have been just getting in the way..you know how it is, you set out to do something and other things get in the way, usually tiny things but hey distractions all the same...
Plus school has started back, the humdrum, the mind numbing experience it is and all, it is a necessary evil, hopefully one that will allow me to get out of here so to speak...
Any way to make up for my leave of absence (sorry Melissa), I will leave a poem for all my avid fans ;)
Falling Stars
There is another one tonight
Making ripples in the starry sky
Water reflecting in the moonlight
I promised myself I would not cry.
The star falls further still
A tear sliding down a midnight cheek
Past the gully, up the hill
My moon kissed rose sits at the peak.
She gazes towards that falling star
So many words they say
In simple rhythms from afar
To guide the star on its way.
I stare down at that lake
Making ripples in the starry sky
I see my rose, tears wept in my wake
I thought I would never die.....
current mood:  content
current music: Ash- Starcrossed
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1 thought that we had the answer It was the questions we had wrong
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| Friday, August 20th, 2004
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12:32 am - Results and Onwards
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Got my results today, 3As, I didn't really expect any less, in fact I did better in most of them score wise than what I had thought I had done, which is all good.
Ahh well it has lifted a little stress off my mind, now I can focus on my ideas namely my big American idea and just my future in general, it just all looks a bit brighter...I used to get into a tizzy as such about silly things, I don't anymore (well not quite true :P).
Ahh I am just a bit more confident and less doubtful about my abilities than I was, and I am quite glad about that.
To everyone in the world I wish you the best in life (apart from the really evil people), just always do your damnedest to do what is right for yourself but also care for others, as you can not really progress individually without thinking of other people, then we can all move on....
Oh yes good luck Melissa at moving to your apartment tomorrow, hmm just don't kill your room mate on the first day, I am not sure that would go down too well :P
Slan Joe ;)
current mood: accomplished
current music: Crowded House- Fall at Your Feet
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It was the questions we had wrong
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| Thursday, August 19th, 2004
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1:53 am - Predictions
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OK I have to admit I am a teeny weeny bit nervous about the results I will get for my AS levels later today, but that is only natural.
I think I will get the 3 As, I am too good at biology and computing studies not to get the As, and well business studies has just got low grade boundaries. If there is one I have messed up slightly it would be business studies, because I spent too much time with a finance question which I had misread, even though I knew the stuff back to front, inside out and left to right, it cost me some time, so I may have rushed the other questions, therefore I possibly did not perform to the full of my abilities....but I don't think it went that badly I might have at most slipped down a grade to a B, but that can be rectified in the coming year, just do better in the A2 exams.
Any way I will be doing a full A level at a tech in one year, maybe English literature, because I am quite good at reading you know, and that will give me 4 full A levels a full half more than most people here so that would be useful to me...also I am sill working out this American idea.
Well wish me luck, as if I need it (arrogance is not very becoming, but hey I do it well)
current mood: restless
current music: Dropkick Murphys-Field's of Athery
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1 thought that we had the answer It was the questions we had wrong
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1:27 am - Getting Older
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OK I was in a conversation where we were discussing well getting older, and they mentioned that they don't feel like they are progressing in years...
I put that down to being mature from a young age, because your mind is not changing with the years as it used to, you still think the same as you did last year so you end up not feeling any different as a result.. maybe that is slightly simplistic, I feel the same way, I do not think I have matured any more than from when I was about ten.
I guess it could also be if one year is not spectacularly different from one to the next, if there has been no change to your life style then why should you feel any older or different?
Lastly it could also be because it becomes sometimes less of an occasion less exciting presents, more clothes you don't want and perfumes (or colognes) you do not like, it just seems less exciting and therefore you are indifferent to it...
Just a few ideas on it though. Ohh and happy birthday even if it is a day later here.
Slan
current mood: chipper
current music: Feeder- Godzilla
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4 thought that we had the answers It was the questions we had wrong
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| Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
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6:24 pm - Toppling the Melancholy
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5:39 pm - Come on People Unless the Sky Falls on Your Head, Smile
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Hey I know you can not be permanently happy just a fact of life, and I know people who do have real problems that are very difficult to deal but I know they are overcoming them in classic style shall we say.
It may have been less than happy the past few days but that was not for any real particular reason, I am not actually sure whether I was unhappy though, must have been just one of those things you shrug off.
I see so many people on the Internet,on sites such as this that just talk about how bad a day it was or all the things they are sad about, or how generally pissed off at life they are, they might as well join the club, lots of us on these sites are pissed off at life, but then again life is not all bad...love, friendship, joy, silliness, weirdness (me) can all exist in this supposedly crappy world. It's only crap because a certain jaundiced view or perspective exists, where people believe they have no affect on their own life and how everything else turns out...but you do, I mean no one forces you to stay with the one job all your life, the one home etc, some changes I admit seem impossible to make and some are, but you never know until you make an attempt...
So don't get to down on life I think there is a silver lining to everything, just our perspectives get fuzzed up...
(Kinda similar to yesterdays but emm but I like to stress my point)
current mood: cheerful
current music: Bowie- Changes
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It was the questions we had wrong
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2:42 am - Me and my Little Row Boat
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I have funny notions, they come and go whether they have a lasting affect is questionable, but like everyone else I have my insecurities, I have though dealt with most of them.
I don't have much that I should be insecure about any way it's just life though and well life isn't always as bad as you see it. The thing is with me that I lacked direction in where I was going, but lately I have been provided a direction from an unlikely source,I have something that I want to achieve more than anything previously, and I am glad of it.
Otherwise I fear I may have just floated on through in this life, my life like most people's I think just goes round in circles, and there are a few exceptional people who manage to go off at their own tangent so to speak, they lead a life of their own choosing and I can only admire them for that.
But now I'm going to take my little row boat hopefully to new fishing grounds, hopefully, it's a hope which I am glad of having and I am going to work hard at it, like I only know how too...come what may I think I will be happy, part of this change on me is motivated other than want of change but I hold no possession over that and we all must make our own choices, steer our own ship, set our own course. You just gotta do what you gotta do, and just see what happens and I smile for that.
Slightly disjointed as this all sounds it is the truth I believe about life, we are here to live not to die, and so me and my little row boat are goin to row like hell, and damn all sharks or oceans that cross us. Wow sounds quite purposeful :)
No point in being down when there is so much you can do about it.
Slan
current mood: happy
current music: Divine Comedy- Somone
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1 thought that we had the answer It was the questions we had wrong
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| Sunday, August 15th, 2004
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8:44 pm - When I hold you in my arms and look back on my charmed life....
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Perspectives on life can change in the blink of an eye, one moment your life can seem pointless the next it has an aim, and you are motivated to achieve that aim at all costs, just it's hard to, you have to break your shackles at some time in your life, otherwise you will be trapped in a situation not to your liking, but also you will not be able to see what that time was really like.
A change lets you see what you had and realise yes it was a charmed life, I'm sick to death of pessimism in my own life,or at the world in general, it may be bad but it is what you make of it, and then all you have to blame for it is yourself. I know some things cannot be controlled and so people become trapped in impossible situations. As far as I know though I am not trapped and hopefully soon enough a change will be on the way, then I can look back at my charmed life.
current mood: determined
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It was the questions we had wrong
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| Saturday, August 14th, 2004
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3:38 pm - Amused by my own idiocy........
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OK most of these entries I have done generally range from the banal to, hmm God knows what. I like to think of myself as being deeper and maybe more meaningful than other people...I emphasize I like to think that because in the end I am not sure I really am.
I am quite different from other people in that I observe more and I have become known for a certain wackiness, that doesn't make me any less shallow than the next guy though does it?
Does to be deep mean you have profound thoughts and conversations on important subjects, or does it consist of being able to understand the human condition...I believe I have a good understanding of why people do things, but I don't understand myself. Unless you have that kind of understanding about yourself then really can you work out someone else.
At times I think I try to hard to be deep and meaningful, when there is no real need for it... You shouldn't have to try to be such a way if you are really that way. Then again if you are consistently deep then you will never find pleasure in life's more frivolous but equally enjoyable pursuits, sport etc. What I want to know is where is the happy medium, most of the time I am both, but not in a nicely proportioned way.
My last entry may be close to deepness on my part but somehow it seems forced to me, I am struggling to understand myself, even though I didn't really pause to think about what I was writing it just all came out in a flow of thought, the way I normally write, but it just doesn't seem right the way it came out, though it says what I learnt about myself quite well....
Hey any way if anyone wants to tell me what they consider as deep compared to shallow, feel free to comment, I know at times I can come across as just the silly guy, emm as one person put it a spaz, but I tend do do that as the performance, its only partly me, the rest of me you could say is lost in my hair...
current mood: amused
current music: Enya- Anywhere Is
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10 thought that we had the answers It was the questions we had wrong
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| Friday, August 13th, 2004
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8:45 pm - Sorry once again for the delay
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Ok I have been most busy researching an idea suggested by my mother dearest, this idea is still in its infancy, I have a dream of going to college in the States. Big idea for a relatively small guy, but it seems good to me, even though finance may be an issue, well not may be an issue, it is the main issue. We shall see though we most definitely shall we see.
I am also considering doing another full A level at tech, I should have did four in the first place, because I know I am quite capable of it, I should of also picked a different A level than business studies that was laziness on my part. I just wanted the easiest route well not any more. There is no point in trying to take an easy route in life, you are just leaving the harder ones for later in life....it limits your choices if you only consider the quick path...something I regret but I am learning to deal with it.
Life is full of mistakes we each individually make, one of mine is to let one of my character flaws take over...that makes me angry at myself for letting it come to what I have now, not that it is in any way bad or so terrible that I want to kill myself, that's just a coward's way out, I am no where close to that situation. I do wish I had did some things differently, but everything would be perfect with hindsight, I will not dwell on them for long, I am too much of the laughing, idiotic, optimist to be so...It is how I live but I now know I could have been so much more if I didn't let small things get in the way.
But enough of regrets, you just have to realise some things about yourself before you can move on, I am going to change what was wrong to begin with, I do not want to be trapped and constrained in my life, that's not how I want to be,no one wants to live a half-life (neither a reference to the game or to any radioactive material).
Otherwise now is a time to move on, I myself have changed in the past year for the better I think too, I am more who I am at my core so to speak, yet less of what I need to be, or where I need to be.
Don't worry I'm not depressed, happier than I have been for years, just some things need to be looked at in a fresh perspective that I have recently developed. You have to know yourself, then you know what you need to do, I know now without really knowing myself, hey but I like learning about myself bit by bit, makes life a better game don't you think?
current mood:  contemplative
current music: U2- So Cruel
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It was the questions we had wrong
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| Thursday, August 5th, 2004
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8:54 pm - Sorry for the absence, my computer went AWOL
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OK for all my regular readers, yes all two of you, I must apologise for my absence, as I am sure you already know I decided to mess with my computers registry, wasn't one of my greatest ideas I must admit. People when they say do not touch the registry for God's sake listen to them, it is deadly to mess about with it, and don't delete anything, that's a crime against human intelligence.
Yes well I have now learnt a horrible lesson, and thank you for sticking with me through it, I had some bad times, some good ones then the ones that took me to the bad place, it's not pretty trust me.
I will be getting back to normal service now so be on the look out for frequent zany updates again, and enjoy.
Yours humbly and most graciously,
Joe
Slan
current mood: accomplished
current music: U2-One
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It was the questions we had wrong
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| Saturday, July 31st, 2004
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3:51 pm - Spyware leads to suffering, suffering leads to anger, anger leads to hate...yeh old green dude I am going to the darkside on this one
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Spyware will be the death of me, whatever I have now seems to be particularly annoying, as well as the usual homepage hijack, its pop-ups, I will pop-up one day at the creators house with a shotgun and go bang to with it, lets see how funny he finds pop-ups then.
This one is slightly worse because it has managed to enter some of the system files, and if I delete these files my Internet will explode into thousands of wee pieces, leaving me with only my marvellous intellect to fix it, mama.
Well if anyone has a clue how to remove this spyware it has attached itself to something called Winsock LSP, I have a faint idea of what it is, something to do with reading IP addresses, well that is where the spyware has got itself, and I know if I delete those files my Internet goes bye byes. So any help would be much appreciated, anyone?
current mood:  annoyed
current music: U2-I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
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It was the questions we had wrong
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| Friday, July 30th, 2004
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9:04 pm - The Heat is Getting to Me
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Some bloody egit has put the heat on, when it has been quite a hot day....idiots I live with,I most certainly do. Hmmm I am just waiting for someone to come on MSN, ahh the story of my life waiting for something to happen rather than making it, ahh well I will live even in the boiling heat, just come home Billy bird, please.
current mood: bored
current music: Super Furry Animals-Golden Retriever
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3 thought that we had the answers It was the questions we had wrong
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| Thursday, July 29th, 2004
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11:01 pm - Ahh my Friends, the Wonders of Nano
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Yes well there has been a big report on nano technology today, in non technical terms really really small stuff....yes well the usual worries are about, like tiny microscopic well not microscopic too small to seen with a microscope,maybe an electron one, hmm unsure but small anyways, tiny spy robots and so forth.
It could also be used to destroy cancerous cells, that is the main worry apparently, that how do you prevent them destroying all cells turning you and everyone else into a grey goop as Prince Charles put it...I am sure they will work a way round that situation..hey but accidents do happen do they not?
We already use some nano tech any ways in sun lotion, nano materials act as a barrier to harmful UV rays and so on, and there are some we ingest too, they are worried about that too, in case different nano materials meet and form new materials that may be damaging. Yes technology is a bother, hey but it is progress is it not, won't I regret that when I am grey goop.
current mood: content
current music: 10cc-Life is a Minestrone
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It was the questions we had wrong
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1:07 am - What's the Point I ask Myself
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Ok my brain and body have become completely disconnected my brain seems to be stuck in la la land away on one of its romantic idealist trips which can not be, just not feasible at least for now.
What's the point I ask myself visualising, imagining it, whatever really, if you can not do anything about it? Well, just for the smallest chance of it happening, just coming together magnificently, that's what I say to myself, but again its causing some slight insanity.
current mood:  crazy
current music: Divine Comedy- Mutual Friend
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1 thought that we had the answer It was the questions we had wrong
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| Tuesday, July 27th, 2004
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3:36 pm - "Wipe the plank from your own eye before you try to remove someone elses"
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Recently I have been talking to atheists and agnostics and so on. Well ok I just want to make clear that I am a Catholic, I do believe and I do practice. This is not to say that everyone else will die in Hell, I don't think like that, I believe if your a good person you will end up in Heaven. I am not overly religious, I do pray at least once a day, and I go to Mass once a week every Sunday.
I do not ram it down anyones throats in anyway, people ask me what I believe and I say what I do, I then give my own reasoned argument for it. Yes I can hear you all laughing now, O what possible argument can you give, its a highly illogical thing I know, but in a way I have worked through it logically in my own way and it has reaffirmed my faith you could say. Generally I am a pretty smart guy, yet some people treat you like an idiot for believing in something greater, more powerful than yourself. For clarification that I am not a dumb ass, I got 4 A*s, 5 A's and a C in my GCSEs and if you don't place much value on those exams like I do I did that without any study. I am still at school and hope to go on to Uni.
I do not try to brain wash anyone, yes the churches have all did bad things in the past and present from the crusades to current child abuse scandals, it does not mean the religion is bad that it is all wrong. What are all these things made up off? That's right people. Humans have the capacity to do tremendous acts of good or complete evil, so any organisation, church and so on made up of people will always have a good and bad side. This is not a religious fault a human one it is. Does one member of your family doing something wrong make the whole family wrong? Somehow I think the answer is no.
The thing is now that people immediately assume I hate gays, or Muslims and so forth I don't, I disagree with the homosexual act, I do not hate the person, I mean if I was an employer and a gay person was the best for the job then he or she would get it, no matter. I do not hate anyone, well maybe a few individuals, they just picked the wrong person to mess about though, nothing to do with colour, creed or orientation. Ok you may just think that's just the stupid argument that's always wheeled out, well fine it's what I believe so live with it.
A lot of people seem quick to judge against organised religion or just God altogether, but correct me if I am wrong it just seems to be a tiny bit of prejudice creeps into that thinking, I know not all agnostics or atheists think like that, they just choose not to belief and what not, but in some people's cases it is just a prejudice they have, due to misconceived ideas about it or misinformation or bad experiences, but please do not let it cloud your vision to everything about religion. Take me for example I'm a pretty rounded individual I think so hey just don't hate it for no good reason....hmm I guess if you see this at all,I should expect a lot of ranting against me ahh well.
Slan
current mood: contemplative
current music: U2- Discotheque
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13 thought that we had the answers It was the questions we had wrong
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